


Of How the Grinch Stole Muggle Christmas

by Snappy_Snippets



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, Crack, Established Relationship, Fluff, HP: EWE, Multi, Post-Hogwarts, Slash, and Mariah Carey, obviously
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 17:34:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,597
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5506682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snappy_Snippets/pseuds/Snappy_Snippets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry wants to have a Muggle, magic-free Christmas and Draco thinks it’s the worst idea ever. Especially when what is in store is decorating the house with the help of the horde that is Potter’s – all right, <em>Potter’s and Draco’s</em> - family.</p><p>Featuring a truly mischievous Ginevra and a handmade gay Christmas tree chain. Shameless fluffy crack with a pinch of bickering and a few merry sexual undertones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of How the Grinch Stole Muggle Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> Play [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY) in the background for the multi-sensory experience. :) 
> 
> Beta'd by [CurlzForMetal](http://archiveofourown.org/users/CurlzForMetal/profile), thank you, love. :) Responsibility for any remaining mistakes fully mine, though.

Draco opened the door with a flick of his wrist and felt the wards shudder as they recognized him and let him in. The gas lamps lit up of their own accord a moment later, painting the hall in a soft glow. He made the shopping bags hover down the corridor and land gracefully on the coffee table in the room at the end of the hall. Of course, the one that landed facing him was the one sporting a sleigh filled with ridiculously fluffy white, red and green teddy bears. He carefully unbuttoned and took off his suede gloves, slipped them inside his coat pockets and shrugged off the coat, sending it flying onto one of the hooks on the coat rack. He turned around, frowning at the front door, still ajar. Sounds of panting came from the darkness on the other side.

‘Lightening Charm, Potter?’ Draco called.

There was no response, only a huff and more panting as a tangle of evergreen branches appeared on the other side of the door.

‘No?’ Draco stepped aside and leaned against the wall, folding his arms.

The front door was now full of tree. The tree was making attempts at squeezing in, but it was obviously too big and too branchy. The tree retreated and tried moving in at a different angle, but the branches caught on the door frames again, making the tree bounce back.

‘Fuck!’

‘A Shrinking Charm then, perhaps?’ Draco offered lightly, his tone amused.

There was a scoff as the tree retreated further and assumed a more horizontal position, the top lowering dangerously.

‘Move or I’ll ram you.’

'Maybe not right now, Potter, but I might hold you to that later.' Draco pushed away from the wall and padded towards the living room. ‘And you say I’m the one who doesn’t feel _the Christmas spirit_ ,’ he followed resentfully.

Draco entered the living room and the fireplace sprang to life, the flames crackling merrily. This wasn’t the biggest room in the house, but it was by far the cosiest. Draco glanced over the three-piece sofa, draped in high-quality cotton in a deep shade of grey and the simple but elegant wenge wood coffee table, now adorned with the hideous shopping bags. Two of the walls were lined with ceiling-high bookcases filled with some of Draco’s favourite books – Harry wasn’t much of a reader – and a few photos from their recent holiday trips. It was Draco’s favourite room. That is, when the floor in front of the window wasn’t covered in heaps of cardboard boxes full of Muggle Christmas decorations. Draco could already see his lovely grey sofa disappear under some Santa Claus-patterned blanket and his book shelves lined with cheap plastic fairy lights. Oh, the horror. 

The sounds from the hallway suggested that the tree had finally entered. Draco flicked his wrist and heard the front door close. He looked back over his shoulder at exactly the right moment to see Harry move at the living room door at full force, using his previous horizontal-tree technique. Draco instinctively took a few steps back, moving out of the way to watch the tree squeeze through the door and land on the floor, spraying needles all over the nice carpet, Harry stumbling and falling face-first right on top of the tree.

For a moment, the only audible sounds were Harry’s heavy breathing and the branches snapping as he tried to untangle himself and roll off to the side.

Draco sighed. 

‘Feeling the Muggle Christmas spirit yet, Potter?’

Harry managed to sit up next to the tree and look up at Draco, pouting.

‘Maybe if my boyfriend was just a little bit more helpful, I would,’ he said in a tone which made him sound like a grumpy 5-year-old.

He raised his hands, inspecting the cuts and abrasions theatrically.

Draco huffed and knelt next to him, drawing his wand. He took each of Harry’s hands into his own in turn, healing the skin and stroking Harry’s fingers as if to make sure they were whole again. They were still cold from the temperature outside but the skin was soft and speckled with calluses. He rubbed on the slightly chapped knuckles. Harry’s fingers were just like Harry himself – soft and rough at the same time. He held Harry’s fingertips gently. His nails were getting long. Well, not _long_. Too long. To be completely safe. For certain... purposes. Draco cast a series of mild filing charms. 

‘Done,’ he raised his head to see Harry smiling at him dreamily.

Draco scowled, standing up.

‘Are you planning on putting it up the Muggle way, too? Sending needles flying all around?’

Harry scooted over closer to Draco, still on his knees, nodding enthusiastically and grinning like a maniac. Like a dog expecting a treat.

Draco groaned and waved his hand.

‘Fine, fine,’ he sighed as Harry sprang to his feet and moved for the tree. ‘Just take off your jacket first! And put on some gloves! For fuck’s sake, Potter, I won’t heal you again!’

Harry stopped and smiled at Draco, then disappeared into the hallway.

Draco uttered a sigh deserving of the true martyr that he was and fell into one of the armchairs, letting his head rest back.

What had he done to deserve the complete torture of a boyfriend who decided to have a magic-free Christmas?

Well, all right, maybe that question wasn’t phrased quite right. Harry Potter carrying a Christmas tree home the Muggle way was arguably a small price to pay for Draco’s sins. 

But still. A whole Christmas without magic? _Why?_ Why would anyone want to do that? And by ‘anyone’, Draco meant not only the House of Whatever-Saint-Potter-Says-We’ll-Do – a whole bunch of Gryffindors who, for some mysterious reason Draco could not fathom, thought Harry’s idea of a wands-off Christmas was a brilliant one – but also Luna, a _Ravenclaw_ , for fuck’s sake, she should know better, and Blaise! _Draco’s_ personal best friend, Blaise! Though nowadays he seemed to be more of _Ginevra’s_ special flying practice partner, Blaise.

Draco leaned forward towards the coffee table and moved the shopping bags out of the way, setting them on the floor. Honestly, the fifty thousand gifts for the Potter family that Draco had to assist in purchasing every year should be penance enough for all of his misdeeds. He _Accioed_ a cup and a tea bag from the kitchen.

Harry walked in, casting Draco a sideways glance and scowling at the flying china. Draco noticed he had taken off his jacket and put on Draco’s gloves – his new black suede gloves. To handle a fucking Christmas tree. The Muggle way. Draco froze and closed his eyes, attempting to count to ten in his head and only getting as far as three.

He breathed out through his nose and opened his eyes. Harry was bending down, fixing his grip on the trunk and one of the thicker branches of the tree. Consider the suede ruined.

‘Potter?’ Draco gritted out.

‘Yes, love?’

‘Why are you wearing _my_ gloves?’

‘Because you told me to wear gloves and I couldn’t find my own pair.’

Draco filled his cup with an _Aguamenti_.

‘Take them off right now,’ he said calmly.

Harry hauled the tree up, pulling it into an upright position and letting more needles loose on the carpet.

‘But you said you wouldn’t heal me again.’

Draco cast a Heating Charm on the water and dipped in the tea bag. _Count to ten, Draco, count to ten._

‘You shouldn’t have accepted the help in the first place. Your magic-free Christmas rules seem lax at best.’

Harry picked up the tree, holding it by the trunk with both hands ( _suede-gloved_ hands) and moved it towards the stand that was waiting in the corner of the room, leaving behind a needle-trail like breadcrumbs in a children’s story.

‘Well, it’s not my fault you’ve decided to miss out on our Muggle Christmas adventure.’

Harry held the tree propped up next to the stand with one hand and took a step back, tilting his head to look down at the bottom of the tree.

Draco huffed, pulled out the tea bag and _Vanished_ it.

‘Christmas is much less enjoyable without magic,’ he stated, raising the cup, ‘especially if your hands are all tree-scraped,’ he muttered against the edge and sipped. 

‘You didn’t _have to_ heal me, Draco,’ Harry sighed, moving his eyes away from the tree, ‘I was fine.’

Draco looked up at him sharply.

‘You were _bleeding_.’

Harry shrugged and smiled, eyeing the tree up and down.

‘Not profusely...’

He took a step into the tangle of the branches and bent down, grasping the trunk with both hands again and lifting the tree over the stand.

Draco shook his head. 

‘Potter, please stop annoying the fuck out of me. I’d really rather not do you in over Christmas. The papers would have a field day.’

Harry chuckled, swatting a tree branch away from his face. He looked over his shoulder at Draco, one side of his mouth turned up in a half-smile.

‘But you’ll _do_ me over Christmas, right?’

Draco groaned, standing up, gathered the shopping bags and made for the door to the bedroom.

‘No, not there!’ came an exasperated shout from behind him. ‘Imagine what a field day the papers will have if we do it on the roof, in Santa’s sleigh!’

Draco wanted to groan again, but it came out more of a whine. Right. They had bought an actual life-size wooden sleigh and raindeer set. For self-assembly. The Muggle way. Merlin and Morgana. If Potter thought Draco was getting anywhere near that atrocity, he was gravely mistaken.

Draco put the shopping bags on the bed and started unloading them. He had to hide away the presents before the horde invaded the house for the happy decorating get-together. The horde plus Draco’s friend, Blaise. 

Draco stuffed the boxes into a few of the drawers and vanished the garish shopping bags. He walked back towards the living room, intent on not paying any mind to Potter’s tree-setting-up endeavours and finishing his tea before the horde arrived. His plan was thwarted as soon as he entered the doorway.

Harry had apparently managed to fit the tree into the stand and was now on all fours on the floor, the front of his body hidden under the tree branches and his arse in the air. Draco would have continued to stare, because there really weren’t many images as enticing as what was splayed in front of him right now, but then Harry cursed and the tree started tilting in what seemed to be the direction of the fireplace.

Draco pulled his wand out of his sleeve and cast a Straightening and a Levitating Charm one after another, deciding that it was better to be safe than sorry. He let go of the tree carefully, making sure it felt set in its stand firmly and focused on the screws he knew Harry had been trying to secure the tree with. He heard three clinging sounds, which meant the screws were in place. He lowered his wand. The tree stayed upright.

Harry was already backing up, arse-first, from under the tree. His head appeared and rose from beneath the branches, the mop of his hair full of green needles. He shook his hair out, messing it up even more and for no good reason, considering that needles still clung to it fiercely. He released a deep breath, standing, nodding slowly and looking up at the tree, his hands on his hips. Then he looked at Draco, smiling and brushed his palms against each other as if to say ‘my job is done’.

Draco scoffed and rolled his eyes, falling back into the armchair.

‘Take off the damned gloves, Potter’ he grumbled. ‘Though they’re surely beyond saving.’

As Harry started doing just that and Draco reached for his tea cup, the front door opened with a bang and the wards shimmered among the sounds of laughter and stumping as if a horde of trolls had just stumbled in. 

It wasn’t a horde. It was _the horde_.

‘Hello, boys,’ Ginevra sang from the corridor. 

‘Afternoon,’ came Thomas’ voice.

‘Hello,’ Bones called.

‘Hi,’ Harry said, moving to meet them and already beaming.

Draco stayed in his armchair and wondered how many there were that he hadn’t heard yet. Thomas meant Finnigan. Susan Bones meant Luna. Ginevra meant Blaise. At least there was Blaise. Maybe he wasn’t yet too far gone to provide Draco with some mental support through all of this.

Just then the flames in the fireplace burst in violent green and Weasley’s face appeared – ‘Watch it, we’re coming through!’ – and then the flames died and Weasley stepped out, Hermione on his heels and instantly turning around to bring back the fire.

‘Malfoy,’ Weasley greeted and his tone was atrociously cheery.

‘Draco,’ Hermione smiled.

Draco only nodded his head.

‘Are the Grangers here yet?’ Finnigan’s voice came from somewhere on the far end of the hallway.

Weasley huffed and turned towards the door.

‘I’ll give you Grangers, Thomas!’

Hermione swatted him over the shoulder and moved a few paces in Draco’s direction, rolling her eyes.

And then the horde had flooded the living room. Harry was pushed in through the door, apparently moving more on the wave of his gang than of his own accord and fell into Weasley’s arms, grinning, then went to hug Hermione, while Weasley moved to pat Finnigan on the back and kiss Luna’s cheek and then it was all hugs and pats and kisses and excited shrieks.

Draco sat back in his armchair and sipped his no longer hot tea, trying to block out the noise.

‘How are you!’

‘All’s good?’

‘You’re spending Christmas Day together?’

‘Your dad feeling better?’

‘Merlin, this tree’s huge!’

‘It’s not enlarged, right? That’s forbidden!’

‘At my parents’ house, yeah.’

‘Bought all your presents yet?’

‘That’s so cool!’

‘Merlin, don’t even remind me.’

‘How did you drag that in here without magic?’

‘Are those the decorations, in the boxes?’

‘Where are the sleigh and the reindeer?’

Draco felt the left armrest dip and turned his head to see Blaise perched on it, smiling down. Blaise’s hand fell onto Draco’s shoulder and squeezed it tightly. Draco nodded his silent thanks.

Right then a flash of ginger hair cascaded right in front of him. Ginevra was bending down, holding another – this time, white – square cardboard box in front of her. She caught Draco’s gaze, grinning broadly. 

‘Hello, Draco,’ she said a little bit too clearly to make it pass as natural, ‘how’s the Grinch doing today?’ 

‘All Grinch-y, thank you,’ he smiled, making extra sure to expose his teeth.

‘Ginny, stop teasing the Grinch,’ Weasley called.

She whirled around and jumped up a few times, making whailing sounds.

‘But that’s what I live for, Ronniekins!’

Suddenly Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas is You’ blared from the speakers of the CD player and that was the moment when true chaos exploded. Someone was singing along, badly, Ginevra and Bones were jumping up and down, laughing and Thomas and Finnigan took to cuddling on the sofa. Hermione and Weasley were already hanging hideous glittery baubles on the tree and Harry stood facing Luna, who was pulling something out from another newly-arrived white cardboard box. It appeared to be a long chain of multi-coloured... bottle corks? needled onto a burlap string. Luna was gradually unwinding the chain and wrapping it around Harry’s neck in wide circles.

Harry raised his head and looked to Draco, grinning. He turned his chest towards him, showing off the ‘necklace’ and Draco registered the bottle corks were painted into the colours of the rainbow. 

A handmade gay bottle cork Christmas tree chain.

Draco rolled his eyes.

Harry winked and Blaise’s hand tightened on Draco’s shoulder again.

Draco set down his tea and reached under the tabletop to pull out an old copy of _The Guardian_ from the shelf below. He opened it and raised it to block off the sight of the mayhem taking place in front of him. 

There was shrieking and singing and the sounds of boxes being opened and something being broken and soon Thomas and Finnigan stood up from the couch, probably to add to the havoc, and people moved behind Draco’s back – yes, plastic fairy lights on the bookcases, no doubt – and Blaise’s comforting presence disappeared after a while, too. Draco could not stop himself from peering over the top of the newspaper. The gay chain was now slowly being moved from Harry’s neck – who was holding another white box in his hands - onto the tree by Luna and Weasley – Finnigan was holding Bones up by her thighs, helping her reach the higher branches of the tree – Thomas and Hermione were taking the wooden pieces of the sleigh from their box one by one and apparently trying to work out how they fit together and Blaise and Ginevra were standing over a stack of white boxes – Merlin, how many more have they brought and what was inside? - holding hands, whispering and giggling. Giggling, for fuck’s sake. 

Draco jerked the newspaper up.

After only a moment, frantic whispering and hissing reached Draco’s ears, but this time he was not prepared to check what was going on. He preferred not to know. He tried to focus on the charity event report he was reading.

Before he could, someone yanked the newspaper from his hands and with a loud ‘Ginny, don’t!’ (Draco thought it might have been Harry, but he couldn’t be sure, because he could mainly hear Mariah Carey), he saw a white cardboard box being flipped over his head and next a rain of something multi-coloured and sparkly fell all over him and the armchair. Ginevra snatched the box back and jumped up, screeching painfully and everyone in the room seemed to stop in their tracks.

_I don't want a lot for Christmas, this is all I'm asking for_ Mariah sang as Draco looked down at himself and saw he was covered in a sea of small, thin plastic rainbow-coloured glittery snowflakes. He shook his head and more snowflakes fell on his hands and into his lap.

Draco took a deep breath. He narrowed his eyes, pressed his lips into a thin line, and raised his head very, very slowly.

When his eyes fell on Ginevra, who was still frozen in front of him, she jumped and shrieked again. 

‘Blaise, save me!’ 

She swirled around and ran towards Blaise, hiding behind his back.

Draco stood up slowly.

Blaise jumped up and shrieked.

‘Weasley, save us!’ he grasped Ginevra’s hand and pulled her towards Weasley, hiding behind Weasley’s back.

Draco started moving towards them slowly, pulling his face into the most feral expression he could muster. Everyone seemed to be huddling together now, gulping and pulling on each other’s sleeves. Only Harry was standing to the side, smiling all around, the rainbow chain now gone from his neck, an open white cardboard box in his hands.

Weasley grabbed Harry’s sleeve, pulled him in front of the group and then pushed him towards Draco. Harry stumbled forward, clutching the box and chuckling.

‘Harry, save us!’

‘Saviour mode on, Har!’

‘Save us from the Grinch, Harry!’

‘It’s _your_ Grinch!’

Draco fixed his stare on his boyfriend, advancing menacingly. Harry was all smiles, but he played along, faking fear and starting to retreat as Draco got close. There were whines and sobs coming from behind Harry’s back – ‘I’m too young to die!’, ‘ _And_ on Christmas!’, ‘We lived through a war and _this_ is how we’ll go?’ With two more steps back, Harry bounced off Weasley’s chest behind him and Draco crowded his space as much as was possible with Harry shielding himself with the box. Draco bowed his head to look inside. Harry followed his gaze.

Draco looked up, grinning, and saw Harry grinning back. He took the box from Harry’s hands and saw Harry squeeze his eyes shut. Draco slowly raised the box, stretched out his arms – squeals accompanied him again – and tipped the box over the horde’s head.

As the rainbow of snowflakes filled the air and covered people’s hair in coloured specks, the group dispersed and started jumping and laughing and shouting at the top of their voices again. Only Harry stayed in front of Draco, cracking one eye open and flashing a beautiful broad smile. Draco discarded the box and weaved his hands through Harry’s hair, plucking off the glittery flakes and bright green needles. 

The noise was dying down as most of the snowflakes landed on the carpet, brushed off clothes and heads. Draco pulled out his wand from his sleeve and with a quick wave, made the snowflakes rise and whirl in the air in circles. The renewed happy shrieks made him wince. He stashed his wand back.

He felt hands on his hips and then Harry was crowding _his_ space, grinning and pushing him back and onto the armchair. 

Just as the song started fading away, he found himself with a lapful of Potter, being snogged into breathlessness. Harry’s mouth was kissing and smiling at the same time, the most amazing combination, in Draco’s _very_ humble opinion.

Suddenly something landed on his shoulders and as Harry pulled back, Draco saw a rainbow-coloured bottle cork Christmas chain hanging in a few loose circles around both their necks, trapping them together. Draco raised his head to see Luna standing over them, smiling dreamily.

‘I think this will look better over here,’ she said softly.


End file.
